Axel and the Quest for a Vacation
by Aloria
Summary: Another crackfic, dedicated to Koiree. if you don't understand this one, read my other KH crackfics first.


_AN: Yet another crackfic. I don't own Kingdom Hearts and if you get hurt reading this fic, it's not my fault. This is in series with "Sora and the Big Bad Wolf" and "Kairi and the Three Little Pigs". Mild language warning. also, apologies to anyone actually living in Utah. I'm sure it's a lovely place._

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__Robin Hood and Little John are runnin through the forest. Smokin' crack and gettin' laid and runnin' from the cops-_

"Aloria! That's not how the song goes!" Axel protested.

_It's not? Oh well. –I- thought it was amusing and that's all that matters. Now, what're you doing in my room again? Hey! Get your feet off my bed!_

Snorting, Axel continued to do as he pleased and lounged on Aloria's bed, which was actually made for once, "Don't get your panties in a wad, and why're you God-Modeing in your own bedroom?"

With a blush, Aloria blinked down at her microphone and coughed softly, "Um... testing the system? I rewired it?"

"Yeah right. You've got as much computer smarts as that dumbass Sora." Sitting up, Axel crossed his legs Indian style and put his elbows on them as he leaned forward, "Which reminds me. I've got some chocolate I need to get rid of..." he grinned Suavely. Slick as shampoo and just as tasty. Aloria eyed him doubtfully.

"Whaddaya want, Axel? I'm not writing any crackfics at the moment, I'm tormenting an OC in another fic."

Lifting a finger, Axel added, "Which I also want to know why I'm not in as much as I deserve. But that's beside my current need. I'd like you to write a lovely vacation for me and Roxas. Y'know, maybe..." he peeked at the authoress. Judging by the way she was staring at him over the top rim of her glasses, she wasn't amused and he'd better start being amusing or she'd do something awful to him to amuse herself. "Ah, well, maybe Hawaii?"

Lifting a finger, Aloria pushed her glasses back up her cute little nose and stated, "First of all, Axel, you just got BACK from blowing all Roxas's money in Vegas, and second, you've got Destiny Islands and I can tell you from experience, the beaches in Hawaii aren't nearly as nice."

Axel frowned at her. It was hard to imagine that the five-foot-four scrawny little blonde with an innocent face that appeared thirteen when she smiled was really in her twenties and quite the bitch when she wanted to be. He smiled at her as he pondered how best to get his way. "Well, if not Hawaii, how about Alaska?"

"How about Antarctica?" Aloria replied, then spun in her _Spinny Computer Chair of Doom_ as she burst into bouncy song, "Let's pretend we don't exist! Let's pretend we're in Antarctica!"

"Aloria!" Axel shouted, pounding a fist on her pink and blue bedspread, "Pay attention!"

Stopping, Aloria smirked, "Well, now, that's not the way to ask for a favor, Axel," she pointed out, lifting a finger, then got distracted looking at her cuticle.

Heaving a sigh, the pyro scrubbed his hands on his face, then straightened, "Alright, not Alaska. How about-"

"Utah."

"What?" Axel blinked.

Looking up from him, Aloria smiled wickedly, "Utah. I shall send you to Utah."

"W-what? With all the Mormons and the big salty lake and the flatness and-" Axel sputtered, nearly in tears.

Grinning, Aloria replied as she turned back towards her computer, "Yes. Utah sounds lovely!"

Shrieking, Axel leapt off her bed and came to kneel next to her computer chair, "No- not Utah! Please, Aloria!"

Blandly gazing down at him, she pursed her lips, "Well... I suppose you could bribe me. You mentioned chocolate earlier?"

Expression sliding into one of horror, Axel stared at her, "You... bitch." Standing, he shuffled in his pockets, finally pulling out the chocolate and slapped it down on her desk. He'd learned early on in his relationship with this particular authoress to not withhold chocolate for she was vindictive and not above writing him into terrible fics for fun. He felt very sorry for that guy, what was his name... Zelgadis.

Smiling sweetly, Aloria took her bribe, "Good boy, now be off with you! Shoo! Before inspiration hits me." She sounded so _cute_ when she threatened him. Almost as cute as Roxas's 'I'm gonna kick your ASS' expression.

Cringing, Axel turned and opened a dark portal to step through and escape, knowing that he'd been had and would likely appear in a crackfic anyway. "I should have asked one of the OTHER authoresses who like me." Lifting a fist, Axel shook it in the air, "Curse you Aloria!"

_Robin Hood and Little John were runnin' through the forest, getting high and shootin guns and tryin' to get away..._

"...those aren't the words either," he sighed gustily as the scenery changed.

_Little Miss Muppet sat on her tuppet- whatever a tuppet is-_

Roxas blinked, then flailed as he dropped about a foot and landed on a giant mushroom, one of the red ones with white spots. It was a very happy looking mushroom. However, the one sitting on it didn't look that happy, especially when he realized he was wearing the frilly doll dress he'd put on Sora in the _last_ crackfic. "Hey!" Roxas objected, flailing his arms in the air, making the curls of his pretty blonde wig flop around madly. "What's the big idea!"

_Well, you can blame this on Axel._

"Axel?" Roxas demanded, looking around.

_Ahhem! Little Miss Muppet sat on her tuppet, eating her curds and whey- actually, no, scratch that. Curds and whey looks like vomit. Without the peas and carrots. Hm. Whipped cream with a cherry._

As the authoress spoke, a giant dollop of whipped cream splattered down across the unsuspecting Roxas and a giant cherry landed in his lap. Staring at its pink prettiness, the blonde could only sit there in silent shock, one brow twitching.

_When along came a spider, who sat down beside her..._

Nothing happened this time, which was even more disturbing than having something happen. It made Roxas very nervous, and he looked around for something random.

_Axel... get your ass onstage!_

"I am _NOT_ going out there in this outfit!" Axel shouted.

_Not even for a whip cream-covered-Roxas with a cherry in his lap?_

Slowly edging out from behind a tree, Axel appeared, the pyro looking highly uncomfortable in his black speedo and nothing else but a headband with a big black googly-eyed spider on it.

_And along came a spider, who sat down beside her and said: "Let's go to Utah, baby, we'll have lots of fun."_

"_NO!_ _Not Utah!_" Axel howled and turned, running off.

Blinking, all Roxas could say was, "What the hell?" Lifting his hands, he shoved the cherry out of his lap and pulled the sloppy blonde wig off, tossing it aside. "I hope no one else saw this..."

_That'll teach him to tell me I'm singing a song wrong. Especially when I'm trying to get it stuck in someone else's head._

_By the way, Roxas, smile for the readers!_


End file.
